Our queer fake wedding was our excuse to dress up and make everyone we know gather in a room to fawn over us and our love. Our gorgeous friends decorated our porch; my drag mother officiated, and we had a pink zebra print cake with gold fondant bands. We saved up for two years to throw this sparkly party, and it went perfectly. We even had a costume change so we could dance the night away!
Our statements to/for each other are included below.
When we were first dating, when it got cold that first year, you got out of the car and gave your favorite hoodie to a stranger who was cold. I love you for that. I love you because you keep dollar store umbrellas in your car to give to strangers caught in the rain. People often see your rough exterior before things like these - I love you for these unseen things & for your rough exterior.
I love you because you push the limits of decency & style every time you walk out the door. I love you because you challenge me to be more outrageous.
I love you because we’re femmes and I love you because you know how special that is.
I love you because you turn everything - from holidays to impromptu trips to New Orleans to random Tuesdays - into a celebration.
I love you because you’re adventurous.
I love you because you think, dream and love bigger than anyone else.
I love you because you’re brave & because you can be vulnerable with me.
I love you because you’re tough as shit & because you have an incredibly kind heart.
I love you because you make me think more & laugh harder & love more intensely than I thought possible.
I promise to consider you, your feelings & your happiness.
I promise not to take you for granted, to always remember what a wonder you are.
I promise that when we hear a loud noise in the middle of the night and you inevitably think it is most definitely the Zombie apocalypse I will try my best to not dismiss you immediately. Related, I promise that in the event of a zombie apocalypse I will follow whatever plan you have for our survival.
I promise to sing Hall & Oates with you, I promise to never throw away your glue guns and to try my best to always have glitter in the house.
I promise to be on your side.
I promise to play dress up with you, I promise to taste the cocktails you make up, I promise to cook epic meals with you, I promise to do photoshoots with you, I promise to have dance parties in our kitchen with you,
I promise to love you.
You taught me that I never have to settle, that I deserve everything sparkly and beautiful.
You’re the only person whose opinion of me matters, and you make me more compassionate, creative, and pretty in my never ending mission to impress you.
You’re the loud, trashy, gorgeous, smart and smartass girl of my dreams.
You’re my femme in shining nail polish.
You make me feel strong when I feel like I’m crumbling and I always feel safe and seen when I’m soft with you.
You fight, and your fight will always be my fight.
I will spend the rest of my life learning your mmms, your cupcake mmm, your complimentary bread basket mmm, and your hot mmm.
I promise to always keep a steady supply of bactine around, and when you fall I’ll clean the blood from your knees and palms gently and without laughing.
I will protect you from most bugs, and I’ll always be grateful when you kill spiders for me.
I look forward to being immature and old with you, making fun of young people and drinking when our doctors tell us not to.
I will fry anything for you on demand and without apology.
I will always go for you, and no matter how frightened the straight people who didn’t know who they were queer baiting are, I’ll back you up.
I will always be too much with you.
Then we held hands and promised to never wear anything our size or age appropriate, and were pronounced pervert and pervert before our family and friends.
Cake and pie for dayssss
Well I cried and called Fleetwood on their way to work so they could look at this and cry too.
There are so many parallels in our weddings and vows that it breaks my heart we both couldn’t be at each other’s slutty parties.