I don’t always write in a lot of detail about my life on here, but I feel the need to be forthright about the things that went down this past weekend. This is going to be all blubbering and run on sentences, so get ready.
On Saturday I got married to a magnificent power house/femme to be reckoned with so that we could build a life together, make art, dream big and surround ourselves with family and love — despite of the state imposed borders that have separated our lives. We are lucky that we are able to do this, but we are also doing this so that we can survive together with the few options we have been given. I can’t say too much, but I will say this: we believe that institutions are supremely inadequate in their ability to measure the love we share or the kind of love we want to cultivate.
We walked down the aisle to Fancy by Reba and we came out right at the moment in the song where she sings: “I can’t see spending the rest of my life with my head hung down in shame, I may have been born just plain white trash, but Fancy was my name” and the room exploded in cheers that filled my heart with so much love and happiness. This event, our need to survive financially and the love that people have for us and each other brought so many of us together in this past month. It was so beautiful to see people working together and to be taken care of in the way we were this weekend. Thank you forever to everyone who has helped us in any way through this process. We love you and are grateful for you more than words could ever convey.
Part of the promise we have made to each other is to love each other in the best ways we know how, and to grow in that love. An excerpt from my vows follows:
“We both challenge each other to open our hearts, love without fear and find strength in our tenderness. Watching you open that tough heart to me has been such a gift. You are a survivor, I am a survivor, and together we heal everyday.
You are a woman of great power, and your gorgeous soul is wise beyond its years. I promise to honor your wild spirit by loving you with an open hand and not a closed fist”
Learning to love in ways that don’t hurt when I have learned to love in ways that are rooted in fear has been a frustrating struggle at times, but it has also brought so much beauty and joy into my life. In his card to us, our dear friend Silas said something that really resonated with us: “Chanelle told me that getting married made her feel like she and her partner were making a promise to their community to have an accountable, loving relationship that strengthens the whole community. I feel like you two are well on your way”.
Let’s be real. Down with state imposed borders and limited state recognition of the ways that people love and create family. Down with having to ask for rights from the very systems/paradigms etc. that took them away and yes to seeking to transform that as a fucking lifestyle choice. Yes to the beautiful ways that we are coming together in love. Yes to recreating and relearning new ways of loving and supporting each other. I have seen firsthand the transformational potential of love and the power it has to rehabilitate and bring people together. We have a long hard struggle ahead of us, but I know we will not be doing it alone and that fills me with so much hope.
Te Quiero - Mario Benedetti
“si te quiero es porque sos
mi amor mi cómplice y todo
y en la calle codo a codo
somos mucho más que dos”
“if i love you, it is because you are my love,
my accomplice, my everything. And on the street,
shoulder to shoulder, we are more than two.
We are more than two”
I’ve been married to the most beautiful person I’ve ever met for exactly a year today. Time isn’t linear and can really complicate talking about something so big and stunning as my love for Fleetwood, but time is how we measure things here, so, in short, what a fucking year I’ve had.
Our love fascinates me for many many reasons, one of the funnier ones being that I chased you down in front of thousands and thousands of people’s eyes. That I found you because I took the big scary jump first to love myself fully and then to find ways to love you that well too. That I’ve been so unsure of everything and then I “met” you (thanks Tumblr, you’re still more than welcome to fund an anniversary trip of buy us a house or at least a fucking fruit basket for all the promo we’ve given you) .
I’ve never worked harder at loving anyone in a real honest way but myself and every day you prove how transformational our partnership is and the payoff still surprises me.
With that, the vows I made a year ago, for accountability, prosperity’s sake and for shits and giggles:
If only 11 year old Jessica, then known as sexiscorpioqt69, could see me now. After all the years of awkward flirting with strangers in chatrooms, I’ve bagged myself an unbelievable babe.
That’s the elephant in the room right? That we stand here today, among our friends and family, marrying our internet girlfriends.
But I’m not happy today because I proved everyone wrong about us or that I found one person to be with, but because we stay present on how to be together in friendship, family and intimacy just like we’ve imagined it.
To entangle in each other in a way that is so immensely respectful and mindful of where we come from, who we are and who we aspire to be. To share how one grows expectantly and unexpectedly in a constantly changing world.
I’ve been working on these vows for weeks, struggling to find words to describe our love but the reality is our bond transcends language, gender, borders and tradition. In our love I’ve found my strength to be fearless, the stability to grow and the childlike innocence to relish in our joy.
I promise to handle all the spiders and spills, to walk beside you in solidarity, deep understanding and tenderness and to accept my role as the morning person and wake you up sweetly. I promise to never forget the magic of loving a person who feels as passionately as I do about blush, brooch placement and glitter and to love you in a way that reflects my gratitude and happiness.
Ezra, Elliot and I are living proof of how your love rehabilitates and protects those lucky enough to encounter it.
Recognizing the vulnerability of forever, I vow to defend our unflagging bond.
I love you Fleetwood Luxery-Legay, with all my heart because I know no other way