I don’t always write in a lot of detail about my life on here, but I feel the need to be forthright about the things that went down this past weekend. This is going to be all blubbering and run on sentences, so get ready.
On Saturday I got married to a magnificent power house/femme to be reckoned with so that we could build a life together, make art, dream big and surround ourselves with family and love — despite of the state imposed borders that have separated our lives. We are lucky that we are able to do this, but we are also doing this so that we can survive together with the few options we have been given. I can’t say too much, but I will say this: we believe that institutions are supremely inadequate in their ability to measure the love we share or the kind of love we want to cultivate.
We walked down the aisle to Fancy by Reba and we came out right at the moment in the song where she sings: “I can’t see spending the rest of my life with my head hung down in shame, I may have been born just plain white trash, but Fancy was my name” and the room exploded in cheers that filled my heart with so much love and happiness. This event, our need to survive financially and the love that people have for us and each other brought so many of us together in this past month. It was so beautiful to see people working together and to be taken care of in the way we were this weekend. Thank you forever to everyone who has helped us in any way through this process. We love you and are grateful for you more than words could ever convey.
Part of the promise we have made to each other is to love each other in the best ways we know how, and to grow in that love. An excerpt from my vows follows:
“We both challenge each other to open our hearts, love without fear and find strength in our tenderness. Watching you open that tough heart to me has been such a gift. You are a survivor, I am a survivor, and together we heal everyday.
You are a woman of great power, and your gorgeous soul is wise beyond its years. I promise to honor your wild spirit by loving you with an open hand and not a closed fist”
Learning to love in ways that don’t hurt when I have learned to love in ways that are rooted in fear has been a frustrating struggle at times, but it has also brought so much beauty and joy into my life. In his card to us, our dear friend Silas said something that really resonated with us: “Chanelle told me that getting married made her feel like she and her partner were making a promise to their community to have an accountable, loving relationship that strengthens the whole community. I feel like you two are well on your way”.
Let’s be real. Down with state imposed borders and limited state recognition of the ways that people love and create family. Down with having to ask for rights from the very systems/paradigms etc. that took them away and yes to seeking to transform that as a fucking lifestyle choice. Yes to the beautiful ways that we are coming together in love. Yes to recreating and relearning new ways of loving and supporting each other. I have seen firsthand the transformational potential of love and the power it has to rehabilitate and bring people together. We have a long hard struggle ahead of us, but I know we will not be doing it alone and that fills me with so much hope.
Te Quiero - Mario Benedetti
“si te quiero es porque sos
mi amor mi cómplice y todo
y en la calle codo a codo
somos mucho más que dos”
“if i love you, it is because you are my love,
my accomplice, my everything. And on the street,
shoulder to shoulder, we are more than two.
We are more than two”
I was going to say I didn’t know what I did to deserve this love but really, I do know. I honored myself and I made a conscious decision to stop settling for less than I desired and deserved and loved myself in a way that commanded that kind of love back.
Majestic’s love has changed me and healed me beyond what I thought possible and we’re just getting started