by Cyree Jarelle Johnson
I’m (not) sorry to inform you that femme privilege does not exist. Not in the queer community. Not in the world at large. Does. Not. Exist. In fact, the very idea of inherent “femme privilege” is rooted in misguided misogyny. It operates under the erroneous idea that the discrimination and violence that femmes in particular and feminities in general experience is not based on our gender presentations. It relies on the idea that all femmes are cisgendered and cissexual, which is cissexist. It anachronistically leaves out femme as a genderqueer identity. It is ignorant to the continuing oppression of women, femmes, and other femininities by patriarchy and masculine privilege.
The most common argument for femme privilege I encounter is that femmes are not the recipients of physical and spiritual violence because of their femininity, while female masculinities are frequently the target of such assaults. Even upon first glance this ignores the constant reality of rape and sexual assault in the lives of lots of transgressive femininities. Personally, I have been “corrective”ly raped twice for being femme, once by a doctor when I was 17 after coming out on my intake forms and the second time during my time working at a bar in Newark. According to a study performed by Keren Lehavot, Ph.D. “women who identify as “femme” (or feminine) and have a more feminine appearance report more adult sexual assaults” than women in the study who identified as “butch”.
That’s not even to speak of the harassment that I experience every day on the street. Not just the street, everywhere I go. It is frequently terrifying, and it also leads to more terrifying things. Of course, omnipresent harassment is afforded to masculine of center folks as well: because in both cases the harassers are targeting our gender presentation. For real, they are. The truly hate us both, for the same reason. Our harassers are deeply invested in the control and ownership of bodies they perceive as “women”. They want to decide who gets to be included in that category, and what that identity means. It is not a complement when I am catcalled, grabbed, pushed, smacked, and groped on the street, it is an insult. And it is certainly not a privilege.
Then there’s that weird concept of passing privilege that I don’t even think works for sexual identity in the way that it does for race, but is so frequently employed that way. Racial groups have phenotypical markers that differentiate their skin and hair and body features from that of a privileged race. Being gay or queer looks different in every corner of this country and every corner of the world.
The idea of cisfemmes passing for straight and receiving straight privilege ignores the fact that to patriarchy inside every lesbian lies a straight woman. Straight people don’t see anything but straight. Even if very masculine female identified folks are instantly read as gay by heterosexuals, does that necessarily make not experiencing that a privilege? Passing is a privilege when you pass into a group that has privilege. “Woman” is not an inherently privileged category at all, nor is “feminine”. Femininity, queer and straight alike, is viewed as frivolous and shallow, stupid and excessive. Most importantly, it is taken much less seriously than masculinity.
Moreover, regarding femmeness as privilege ignores the existence of femmes who are trans*women, androfemmes, kikis, and all those who may simultaneously be femme and not able to pass for straight or even pass for feminine. It forgets us femmes who try and fail and try and fail again to be seen as authentically feminine. We femmes with tapers and Caesars lined up. We femmes who are 6’4 in heels and rock a bitchin’ limp that people frequently comment on yet rarely stare at. We femmes who sit gap legged in flannel waiting for folks to stop telling them to be more feminine when we are trying as hard as we fucking can.
In her interview with Elixher.com, Brown Grrlz Project Co-Founder Trinz Massiah writes that femme privilege “is a matter of perspective. A femme identified womyn has to negotiate always safe spaces to “come out” over and over again… Can you imagine the anxiety of negotiating safe spaces constantly?” Central to femme invisibility (which should be called femme erasure, in my opinion) is the allegation that femmes are not “gay looking”. Ok, then who is and why? Who gets the privilege to set the tone of the conversation of what it means to look queer or gay? Clearly not femmes or we would have at least included ourselves.
There is the problem of “looking straight” and needing to access queer/gay safe spaces and being questioned uncomfortably. Of spending time scrimping and saving to dress up for the dyke bar and pay the cover just to have everyone treat you like a fag hag. Of being out for almost a decade and still getting treated like an interloper until someone sees me with a stud they know. Of being made to find people to vouch for your dykedom. Of having to come out every day to everyone, often several times to the same people because apparently femmes are not experts on their own lives.
So, in short, don’t come at me with that shit. Quit relegating feminitinity to the backburners of queerness because of a faulty generalization. Check your own association of femmeness with excess and shallowness and stupidity. Learn how to see femmes, and stop blaming us for our own erasure.
Our femininities are often marginalized and delegitimized. We are often seen as heteronormative, apolitical, less radical, and less queer in a community where being visible and valued depends on being masculine or androgynous.
This femmephobia in queer communities—this devaluation and stigmatization of queer femininity—is a form of misogyny that is rooted in dominant patriarchal culture. It’s a form of sexism that intersects with cissexist, heterosexist, racist, classist, ableist, and sizeist views of femininity, women, and what it means to be queer.
The accusation that femme women “pass as straight” undermines our own self-definitions of our femme identities, our empowered embracing of our femininities, and our blatant disruption of the normative constructs of what it means to be feminine and a woman.
I like this but I wish it talked about femmes who don’t necessarily ID as women too.
(Source: bigmouthbigideas)
“Quantum femme is not linear, but the tallest free-standing structure you’ll ever wrap your mind around; a psychotic frame of reference not contained in paper concepts such as time and space. After all, femme -like madness- is just a state of mind. Not only round in all the right places- film noir…
because femme is already hard. Femme is not a word that needs a qualifier for toughness or strength or complexity. Femme means that we choose femininity. Femme means we take the parts of femininity we want, the parts that feel good, and leave the rest. Femme means that when I do things/wear things that are considered typically masculine by the rest of the world it’s femme because I’m doing it.
Maybe there’s a “hard femme” trend in response to the celebration of high femmes or pinup femmes in queer culture, but can’t we value other embodiments of femme without this redundancy?
Because when you say “hard femme” you dismiss the strength of femmes and femininity. You deny our queer history and the femmes who came before you. You want people to know that you’re not stereo-typically feminine - you’re not like those other femmes. & this is why I find “hard femme” a femmephobic term/identity.
I reblog from fuckyeahhardfemme when they post beautiful things. If folks come to femme identity because “hard femme” speaks to them in a way that femme doesn’t then that’s beautiful. Mostly I just want you to know our queer history. I want you to know what the rest of us actually mean when we say we’re femme. And also I’m just kind of like:
tried to edit this but deleted it instead, thanks tumblr. this really resonates with me and makes me feel understood and gives me strength, etc. i read banji-realness’ commentary and it made me think beyond my experiences and i’m grateful for that and all the femmes of all walks for their support, wisdom and for keeping me accountable.
Femme vs Feminine
Majestic and I answer a question about femme identity, femininity and masculine privilege in queer communities and I check my hair more times than probably necessary.
IMPORTANT FACTS
I just remembered that I bookmarked this about a month ago with out watching
yes yes yes
to me, the thing that makes femme fashion radical is that I’m inspired by other femme individuals, rather than a corporate idea of what it mean to be feminine. femme doesn’t have a profit motive, femme isn’t exclusive to a certain gender or body type or socio economic class. femme is diy, femme is changeable, innovative, and all kinds of radical. I also think femme fashion brings people together. when i see another blogger who posts a lot of femme fashion (total case in point: pinatasmashing) i tend to assume they are a radical babe, and for some reason these assumptions tend to be true. connecting over femme things is an excellent way to get to know a wide variety of people.
HEY EVERYONE! I finally subtitled this! You can find them HERE
Femme vs Feminine
Majestic and I answer a question about femme identity, femininity and masculine privilege in queer communities and I check my hair more times than probably necessary.
Subtitles HERE
call for submissions: the good (femme of colour/ Indigenous femme) date zine
As queer and/or gender-nonconforming, trans or Two Spirited femmes of color and Indigenous femmes, it’s often easy to think, remember and speak on the vast degrees of bullshit we can face when we try and create the love, sex and desire that is our birthright. We face vast amounts of violence, abuse, disrespect, terrible game, femmephobia, transmisogyny, ableism, racism, colourism, sexism, inability of our dates to be honest or emotionally responsible, heart hurtingness and whitecapitalistcolonialistableistdickapalooza when we try and have awesome, life-affirming, hottt as fuck dates. It’s easy to get depressed by badly thought out moves, abuse, trans misogyny, colonialism, ableism, shadism, fatphobia, classism, whorephobia, racism, the idea of sexual scarcity, femme competition, the effects all of the above plus war and genocide have on our communities leading to everyone we love being traumatized, etc.
HOWEVER, we also know that we are badass geniuses at creating the love and sex we desire. We are so smart at finding our lovers, making love so many different ways. It is important that we share this proof of what is possible, as a reminder to ourselves and each other of what is possible and what we have created, a show and tell of how much queer femmes of colo(u)r and Indigenous femmes are a miraculous gift from God to ourselves and our communities and revolutionary magic makers and world changers, and as a recording of our lives in the face of WSCCAP* erasure of queer and trans of colour and Two Spirit lives and communities.
To the end of documenting femme of colo(u)r and Indigenous femme existence and resistance, please share a story of a badass date you have been on. This can be written, drawn, collaged, photographed or in a song. It can be a poem, a journal entry, an experiment. “Date” is also wide open. It definitely doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie with a corsage. It could be any moment of sexual, loving and/or romantic badassness that saved your ass, changed your life, rocked your world. It could be with yourself. It could be with any gender of person. The only limit is that you identify as a queer femme of colo(u)r or Indigenous femme and this is some kind of story about some kind of love, loving and/or desire that was liberatory, awesome and transformative.
“Femme” here is defined as a spectrum of gender that looks and feels different on many different kinds of bodies, but, in general, is about the radical, ass-kicking, life-saving power, dignity and beautiful resistance of feminine of center/femme/femme of center ness. Femme is not just about being a girl, and certainly not just about being a ciswoman or cisgirl. It is a queer gender, and that can also look, feel, smell, taste and be many different flavors.
Consent: Oh yeah- and think about consent with regards to what you share! We have so many delicious and magic stories to share. Think about identifying details, what the impact on your communities might be from your sharing, what your intention is, and whether you’re telling your own truth or another’s truth. Maybe check in with the sweetheart(s) in question before you write and submit your work.
*WSCCAP: The white supremacist capitalist colonialist ableist patriarchy (as coined by Chanelle Gallant, Arti Mehta and Loree Erickson, as well as probably others- a bunch of folks I know in Toronto started saying this a bit ago.)
Deadline: October 20, 2011 or as soon as possible. Email brownstargirl@gmail.com. 1000 word limit, please also include contact info and a 100 word bio.
This call for subs is a total rough draft! We will figure out stuff as we go along.
Not femme identified? Help spread the word to your loved ones who are!
signal boost!
