Anonymous asked: I currently live with my aunt and uncle and their two kids for free while going to college. They are very "heathly" Everytime I join them at the table they talk about my eatting even if i eat the same things. Daily my uncle makes comments about my food or watches me eat. my uncle also makes comments when his son eats a cookie like "I don't want him to get fat" This really is getting to me. I don't know how to talk to him about this to make him understand. Please help.
Yuck! I’m sorry this is happening to you! What an uncomfortable living situation :(
Here’s what I’ll say first. I’m not timid about confrontation. I’m also no longer into the idea that family gets to be immune from confronting their body issues.
I think you can start with taking them aside and saying that you love them SO much and that you’re so grateful to be able to foster a relationship with them in the way you’re able to. Tell them that because you know they love you too and want you to be happy, you would like them to know how their comments about your body affect you. I would bring literature for them to read on Body Acceptance and Health At Every Size (also here). I would tell them that you don’t want your body and your choices about its path to be up for discussion. You can even lie and tell them that your therapist said it was affecting your mental health and ability to do well in college. That’s actually a truth, we’re simply lying about who I am to you!
I would also tell them (if you’re comfortable with it) that if they want to talk more about HAES, you’d be open to doing it.
I would give them a chance to read, process and start communicating with you with love. If they can’t get the picture, I would establish some new boundaries about eating around them.
I also want you to know that while it will be so challenging to live in an environment like that (if the bullying continues), the greatest thing you can do for yourself and those children, is to live with confidence, love and integrity. Don’t lessen yourself for others and don’t allow people to bully you into doing things that don’t feel good for you.
Lead by example!
Best of luck to you!! xoxo