Tangled Up In Lace

Showing posts tagged calloutqueen

it’s knowing the world never deserved you in the first place. anger for leaving those who still struggle to breathe without you. rereading your letters to me like it’ll change anything but the depth of my longing and the festering wounds of my grief. it’s that mariah won’t ever sound the same and how im blonde now and id give just about anything for a proper goodbye. it’s how much i love you and how you stuck like molasses to my bones

Mariah Carey - Forever

every night i see you in my dreams

i don’t want to watch this space to see how people talk about you, remember you, keep you alive. it won’t make me feel better, it won’t honor you, it won’t change anything

words have become such a pitiful way to hold you, the reading and rereading of our exchanges sustain me the best they can. 

the sisters you brought into my life, knowing and naming the magnitude of this loss, reached their hands out to grab mine and we strung our hearts together

i’m going to eat so many fucking snacks through my tears 

i’ll never stop fighting

i’ll always hold space for you should you care to visit 

i love you sister, ferociously



sometimes i’m just pretending you went on vacation and i think about all the photos and words you’d post when you got back

(Photo reblogged from aforementionedglamour)

some days you’re just going about life without a care in the world when residual trauma just hits you square between the eyes and you’re crying until you have a migraine, then you’re buying a gallon of milk in a short skirt with no panties on just so you can go home and avoid your chores because all you can really handle right now is deep conditioning and frying up weiners.

Mark I’m using Queen Helene and it reeks but I sort of love it

(Link reblogged from aforementionedglamour)



i was not expecting to see this in the street at baltimore pride today and i just started crying in the fucking street

amazing. always love for her.

i’m feeling really fucked up about thin white people holding up TOMBSTONES and wearing all black as a way to “remember” or “honor” someone of her magnitude. 

(Photo reblogged from hotgothmom)

Mariah Carey - Hero

It used to be when I was sad, you’d be sad with me and then we’d laugh about cargo pants or how gross men are and feel better but now I’m sad and I can only go through old messages and pretend you’re still here

it won’t get any easier to miss you 

I’m using the hair mask you suggested. I love you



i wish you’d come back and i still post things hoping to see you reply with something dry but loving. i cried off my heinous eyeliner experiment and now my face itches and i love you

(Video reblogged from calloutqueen)



j.bee posted a comic about mark aguhar that touched on many of the conversations i have heard discussed since mark’s death - how to mourn someone you didn’t “know” (“know” being a very nebulous word when dealing with an internet culture that has frequently been called and characterized as “oversharing” - whatever that means), public discourse concerning suicide (v murder), how to remember people, how to commemorate people, how art created by/for/about can be sensationalist, how to talk about how death (in general, and specifically mark’s) make us feel (the question about how that matters, does it matter)

j.bee told me that my post that said “lets keep reblogging mark” inspired her comic and we discussed how we see less of mark’s work reblogged and what that means, if it means anything.

as usual, more questions than answers becuase there is no answer. i am just reminded that there is no answer and at least a million questions.

i’m crying.

Grieving you is as complicated as loving you and appreciating your beauty has been. - Majestic

(Photo reblogged from garconniere)