(The hat reads ‘My best friend vibrates’…and really, doesn’t everyone’s?)
All kidding aside, I want to talk about a personal issue that has dominated a good portion of my fat acceptance and body love journey: what happens to a fat body when it’s sitting down.
I don’t know how to conduct myself when sitting in a free-form chair. Being a deathfatty (usually the only one present) my body is different, and it’s super noticeable, especially when I’m sitting in a seat without a table in front of me. When I have a table, it’s like a prop. I can lean on it, slap it for emphasis, and even pretend to hulk-out and flip it and all of its contents. Without the safety of the table, my body is out in the open for the scrutiny of all. What do I do with my hands? Should I bother crossing my ankles even though doing so will cause me to be incredibly uncomfortable? Should I sit straight up, or is it okay to slump back against the chair and rest my hands on my stomach? What if I need to take notes? It’s always an incredibly awkward situation (moreso if I happen to be wearing a dress, and most of all when I ‘forgot’ to wear underwear, which is
basically every day) and I leave feeling uncomfortable.
All of these things have led me to have somewhat of a bad relationship with my seated body. Sitting changes the fat body. The stomach and thighs are visibly impacted. Personally, sitting elevates my cleavage to chin level and showcases every bit of adipose tissue that I possess.
It’s taken me a long time to fall in love with my seated fat body, but I’ve come to adore every dimple and curve that I possess. I’ve stopped agonizing over the way my skin folds and my abnormally oblong belly button. When I laugh, my belly shakes and rumbles. My stretch marks and scars make me feel like a warrior princess.
I still don’t know how the fuck to conduct myself in a standalone chair, though. I’ll probably just say ‘fuck it’ and have a fat-ass dance party.
Jerry gets it.
oh god i wish i hadn’t just taken an ambien, I hope this is coherent.
I love you, you’re great and you’re great ALL THE TIME, even sitting.
We have to hit so many milestones in acceptance of our bodies. First its accepting in a certain light or scenario and then we work towards new goals taking baby steps like nudity and sex with the lights on. Its a slow process a lot of the time and its a challenge within a challenge because we get SO down on ourselves when we think we’ve made it to the finish line only to see ourselves in a candid shot on someone’s Facebook upload having more chins then we’ve usually allowed ourselves in staged photos and realize we still have so much further to go.
Don’t figure out how to sit, its pointless. Sit how you feel comfortable and BE COMFORTABLE. Don’t remember to wear undies, I don’t. It makes me feel good. I don’t like to sit with my legs closed, its not comfortable for my thighs and they cover my vagina when they squish together anyways.
Sometimes if I see a picture of myself I’ve decided I don’t like, I focus on the fun I was having when it was taken and not how I’ve decided to shame myself for looking. Seeing in that light changes how I feel about the picture almost always.
You’re great. Your body is great. Sitting, standing, what the fuck ever.