Showing posts tagged Fat Admirers
i don’t have the emotional energy to dissect this right now so imma just leave it right here.
I feel like I have a lot to say about the Village Voice article, but also that I’m not quite sure what to say. I’ve been plotting a series of articles for a while now on the stupid things fat admirers do and this article has its share of examples.
On the other hand, this article quotes me. Not that you’d know it because my turn of phrase has obviously been subsumed into the community’s collective lexicon. The comeback to the “You can’t do any better” with “I can’t. I just don’t mean it differently than you” is a line I’ve been saying for years and here its treated as communal property. Which feels weird to me. Like, if something I said about fat acceptance became a common catch phrase, I’d just be thrilled, but when fat admirers do it, I’m a bit annoyed. The thing is, I still identify primarily as a fat admirer in relation to fat acceptance, not as a fat person. I was, after all, a fat admirer before I was a fat person. But, I’ve been shunned and ostracized from fat admirer communities for most of the last 15 years. I’ve repeatedly been bullied and silenced for being a fat activist and a feminist in these communities, so seeing so much of what I was saying all along treated as an inherent part of the fat admirer identity feels very hallow to me.
I’d like to think change is happening among the fat admirer community, but after getting shouted down constantly for calling on my fellow fat admirers to treat fat people with respect… I don’t know. Like, where were these guys then? At the same time, I bothered by some of the same stupid BS being expressed. Like the beauty shaming in the above quote and elsewhere. And I know these are probably the same people (literally in some cases) who stood on the sidelines while I was driven off a site for confronting people who said celebrating fat beauty was a bad thing since it would make fat women feel less beholden to the attention of fat admirers.
I’m not making that up. That’s an actual argument I got into online about 12-13 years ago. Disagreeing with that line of thinking earned me such an aggressive backlash that I had to leave the site. It started a pattern of me walking away from sites only to come back a year or so later and even less willing to put up with that BS. Things got better, but whenever I would incur an especially hostile wrath, there were never any fellow fat admirers backing me up. Some fat people always did, but never a fellow fat admirer.
It disappoints me because I really love my sexuality and I would love to feel a part of a community for it. For me, being a fat admirer is my sexuality and I know I’m not the only one, but I always feel so alone. I can identify a host of structural reasons for this, but its just frustrating. Especially reading articles like this that make me wonder if I actually had a really big impact on pushing fat admirers this far. Maybe I made more of a difference than I gave myself credit for. In the last 15 years, the public persona of fat admirers sounds a lot more like me than it did even 10 years ago when I was just about the only person willing to say anything progressive or political. Then other things, like this quote, are part of the same exact script that was recited when I was first joining those communities. Clearly, a lot has changed, but it often throws into sharp relief the stuff that hasn’t changed at all.
Well, like I said, I feel like I have a lot to say. Just not sure any of it was meaningful or useful.
reblogging for awesome commentary. thank you!!!
VERY interesting commentary from Brian and I’m thrilled to find out he’s on tumblr!!!
It took me 4 attempts to get through this article. It was such a rollercoaster ride from them explaining the usage of fat as a descriptor and fat folks as sexual beings to the clear admittance of abusive tactics used by fat admirers and this gem “Once upon a time, if a young man wanted to see a fat girl naked, he actually had to woo her”
Damn, sounds like the brakes dood!