whorecruxed asked: HI Jessica! I've been a longtime follower of you and Majestic and think you two are awesome. So I'm 14 and today my mom was really getting on me about losing weight (she does this every week, even though I'm not technically overweight- maybe five or ten pounds, but no matter) and it really gets on my nerves because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for my family because they're all sticks, even though I love my curves... I don't know what to do!! Make them happy or be myself?
First, I’m sorry your mom is putting her body issues on you, that is REALLY hard for anyone, but especially a 14yr old socialized as a girl.
Second, there’s no such thing as overweight! There’s no perfect/ideal weight a person should actually be (I know but it’s true!) and even if there were a perfect weight, 5-10lbs is literally nothing. Alsoooo, if you’re happy with yourself, it doesn’t matter what your weight is!
Third, (numbering this seems weird now but I’ll just keep going) every single body is a good and valuable and lovable body. So using words like “sticks” to describe thin bodies hurts too!
It also hurts to be the only body in your family that doesn’t look the same.
I think what you should do is sit your mother down and start with telling her you love her and you really value having a close and loving relationship with her. Tell her that you feel good about your body and for a 14yr old girl that is a HUGE accomplishment!! Ask her to respect that you work very hard at loving your body and that it hurts when she shames you and asks you to change. Tell her that even though you’re 14 and a lot of people feel like they have access to your body and your choices, you’ve chosen to love yourself and be happy and that you’d appreciate her help in fighting a negative body image and maybe you two could work on your self image together!
Maybe you could give her some reading material like Marianne Kirby’s piece on Fat/Size/Body Acceptance 101
Just remember this: Parents just don’t understand. Sometimes. They mostly have the best of intentions but sometimes it is reallllly hard for them to understand that even though they gave birth to you and raised you, there comes a point where they have to acknowledge that you’re an individual deciding your own path. Sometimes we just have to learn to thrive without our parents’ approval and learn to block out their hurtful words.
You deserve to be happy with your body and there’s nothing positive about being shamed for your body!
Good luck Sugar!! xoxoxo
